Work in Progress

Students,

I got to feeling a tad philosophical today after it occurred to me that among my core of friends here and back home I must be by far the most irresponsible. I don’t have a mortgage, a marriage, a child or any other small animals, and I certainly don’t have any notions of acquiring these things in the distant future. As I mused I began to feel not so much troubled as liberated. Who wants to be tied down by life when one can live almost completely for pleasure… And perhaps be tied down in other ways while about it? Life is all theatre after all.

One thing I love about Thailand is the relaxed pace and general easiness of everyone with everyone else. This may all be surface, and underneath the country’s inhabitants are a seething mass of frustration, but as long as that stays unacknowledged I prefer it to the confrontations I found were part of my daily life in the UK. Perhaps it was my irresponsibility that didn’t fit with the culture there and I do remember an office assistant job that frequently resulted in my being reprimanded because my casual approach was not tolerated. Maybe I just don’t come from the mould of a ‘normal’ person who strives to climb the career ladder, buy property, and settle down. They have never been outcomes I’ve longed for. And then I look on Facebook and friends from school have ticked all the boxes… Should I feel old knowing such upstanding citizens or young because I’m their antithesis?

On occasion my wider family have struggled to understand my random drifting – and especially – my current location. Why am I here? Because it’s FUN. I have a blast every day; I see new things, meet new people, and have the privilege of being respected and smiled at in my work. The social life is amazing too. I don’t have to be guarded about my sexuality when out on the town or concerned that if I catch someone’s eye on the subway they will misconstrue that and get defensive (or offensive.) I can hold my partner’s hand if I want to and often hold his shoulder as we walk around in public. More than that though my life feels full and fast. I always have something to occupy myself and this makes me outgoing and involved with the world. I don’t feel like I’m failing even though I have faults. Where in the UK I would reach for some medication, here I reach for the phone and plan to be with my friends. Who don’t have marriages. Or mortgages. Or children. Or pets. And that’s all ok. We’re experiencing something else…

…People ask me all the time “When will you go home?” To that I tell them “Why would I want to?” Right here right now is what’s important to me and right here right now I have everything I need. I take responsibility for today and let the rest figure itself out. Scary? That is one of the benefits of being irresponsible. I realize now I’m not a failure or a quitter I just like doing things differently and not expecting all this stuff from my life. The unexpected feels like living to me and I love to live. Actually I think I’m a work in progress and maybe all this will sound daft when I look at it next time having changed my mind. But as I drift at the moment I get my drift. How about you?

Comments? Questions? Class you may be excused.

Homework: Expression not repression.

x Teacher