Post XI - Leap of Faith

Students,

Did you know that February 29th represents a ‘Leap day?’ Leap Years were added to the modern calendar to keep it in alignment with the earth’s revolutions around the sun. 2008 has 366 days which means that today is one extra day given back... Sucks for people who were born on a ‘Leap day’ as their birthday only rolls around once in a while. But what it means for the rest of us is that we are gifted a day. Makes me think something special is needed.

So far today I have not achieved very much. I was up late last night marking exam papers and this distracted me so much that for the first time since I entered The Pleasuredome a couple of weeks ago I was left to face the prospect of sleeping on THAT BED without the aid of alcoholic intoxication. The only remedy I could find to knock myself out (and also knock one out in the process) was to reach for some Sangsom and relive the raunch of the Mexican film Y tu mamá también with the delightful Gael García Bernal. When I awoke (and after clicking my spine back into place) I left and have made it so far as blogging with you. Plan was to head to Bangkok today for some r‘n’r but at some point I MUST sit down and complete my student grades. Teaching is thrilling sometimes, y’know? Thanks kids.

So now that I will be off to BKK tomorrow that leaves me in Lopburi with time on my hands and superstition on my mind. What can be done here that hasn’t be done before? Instead of making a major commitment to doing something, I am going to make a minor commitment to doing pretty much nothing. Pretty much. Rather than look at the big picture I will go small and have faith that I can fill my day with random notions requiring little effort and that make even littler sense…

…One thing I am often told is that I should smile more. Of course I live in ‘the land of smiles’ but actually smiling is quite a tricky thing to maintain when there isn’t necessarily anything to smile about. Not smiling here is frowned upon, yet lately my daily duties have been filled with tedious end-of-semester paperwork so I have not been as inclined to giggle along with the gays in my office. That will change this ‘Leap day.’ I will commit to walking home with a grin plastered across my face. I’m sure this will interest passers-by and the sellers on their food carts. Thus I will find out if smiling really does make a difference.

Another matter raising my attention lately is that I am unable to say “No.” That’s right students, as you know I am a giver but sometimes I find myself in compromising positions (read: sticky situations) because I cannot bring myself to refuse. I tell you “Yes! Yes! Yes!” is sometimes not the best answer. It can lead to terrible incidents such as detainment on long bus journeys, being forced into singing If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands to a packed auditorium of Thai students, or even (more concerningly) being videoed grinding one’s hips with a female student after being coerced into a dance routine… Yeech! Memories of Loei be gone. (BTW it is a mystery why these videos of farang never seem to turn-up even after repeated questioning… There is still one somewhere showing me in drag and on-stage shaking it as Beyoncé at a school English camp.) ANYWAY today I intend to remain non-committal, but given the ‘Leap’ I will change my response to any questions that come my way. “Maybe (baby)” is to be the final answer.

And now to Id / Ego / Superego for suggestions on how Teacher’s (precious) time woulda coulda shoulda be occupied…

Id: Honey it’s so sunny let’s do somethin’ funny. Stare up at the sun for a mo, blink wildly for a mo, and then close eyes tight to witness a variety of (exciting) blobs, stars, and flashes. ‘Leap’ time of approximately 2 minutes can then be spent making out shapes and wondering is mo’s Subconscious speaking?? Or is it just that lezzie Ego again….

Ego: As a lady of certain persuasion I can do irrational on occasion. It’s all about the mind, and the powers of the Psychosis could do with a work-out. My ‘Leap’ suggestion is to use that secret power of yours. Let’s focus on someone near – say the cute Thai guy giving his right hand a work-out over video games – and silently mind probe him into doing your bidding. Start small, maybe willing him to bend over… Where there’s a will there’s a way, right? Then it can be taken further with another kind of probing to satisfy Id. The law of averages dictates that sooner or later a mind command will come true (even if it is only that said guy turns to see a farang staring intensely and with cross-eyes) so keep faith and stay with the cause! ‘Leap’ time of approximately 5 minutes on offer here.

Superego: As you know I swing both ways so I offer a different perspective that requires a second helper. Think about it: you are a tall guy and this gives rise to much opportunity. Some are less fortunate. Be a giver this ‘Leap day.’ How about returning to The Pleasuredome, locating the cat pe(s)t and allowing It to see things from your point of view. Instead of Its usual 2' high sight, pick It up and give It a look at the world from your angle. Then reverse and take a look down there with It. Be a man, follow the pussy. ‘Leap’ time of approx. 10 minutes means I’m the winner!

So students, I have offered a whole heap of Leap possibilities for myself. How will you pleasure yourself today?

Comments? Questions? Class you may be excused.

Homework: Sleep for ‘Leap.’

x Teacher

Post V –

Id(iot) likes planting Seed

Students,

It has come to my attention that some of you may have observed myself and ‘good time’ girls Lady Tara and Lady Jasmine getting what the Thai locals call “mow” and what you may call pissed. Lady, I’d like to tell you you’re wrong, but that could lead to sticky situations and more than my story coming undone. In short, such lies would necessitate spankies. Our dear friend Sigmund may have been wrong about some issues (I have personally never thought of my mother in that way) but on matters of the greedy id when he is right he is right, right? And so for our blog today I wish to detail the (some say) wicked temptations in this monkey-sex town of Lopburi. One in particular comes to mind and that one is Seed Pub, a late-night establishment that students should - not ever – care to attend (but annoyingly, do.) At this point, a word or 160 from Ego, mistress (or Mr.) of ceremonies:

Ego: As the rational lez in this mind (f*ck) sandwich, may I beseech you to remember the high moral character I embody between the ‘anything goes’ Id(eas) and the yes sir/no sir top -> bottom imbalance of (NOT SO) Superego. Teachers have a duty to be everything to their students while fresh of face, young of spirit, and strict in action… (That’s action not in-action.) What must be kept frontal lobe is the oft-quoted “Work hard, play hard(er.)” Which, it is certain, is what this dili-gent teacher enjoys. “Youth is wasted on the young” is another of those academic sayings that drifts into my mind space from time to (closing) time. The point(s): “Learn it before live it.” “Work before play and play before work.” But separate the two. Always. Cooking in Hell’s fires is the result if you don’t… There that’s all the flogged-to-death analogies from me for now. Don’t have nightmares.

Now. To Seed. I would describe this Lopburian lounge as a place (It’s) Britney (bitch) would call home. As you see from her photo above, students she is an example of an individual of upmost class. Much like Seed. And, like Id, she would no doubt savour the crush of sweaty young bodies, appropriately inappropriate gropage while en route to the water closet, the series of catwalks populated by nudish nymphs bopping to stimulating (read: erotical) beats, and the hot (in the dark) waiters responsible for much of aforementioned gropage…

Saturday P.M./Sunday A.M. with my Ladies was tame compared to previous visits. You see I would never have came across this special devil’s playground were it not for my keeping company with some naughty (but nice) Thai associates. This gaggle of gays spirited me off there once, and I’m proud to say before we had the mainstream (as evidenced by my students) blocking the dance floor (read: dance square.) Back in the golden days of yore (not quite when all was still in black and white but not yesterday anyhow) it offered even more. It was simply Seedier. One could rub shoulders (and other body parts) with pimps and their prostitutes, various gender benders, and very many model-esque young upstarts in very little attire…

Possibly my favourite Seed-y night can be seen amid the photos of my earlier Picture Post, though sadly this does not quite do justice to an experience that saw Natalie mowed with the mo’s, Brad re-applying his clothes, and myself declaring “Anything goes!” Well actually I had a little (or big) bit more to declare but that’s best left as memory for the poor sober ladies of 7/11… At this midway point the gag will be removed from Id’s mouth so he can spew some muck:

Id: I’m a go-er that’s for damn sure. What goes on (with) the head is why I’m in this race. And the Thais they loves that honey, too. You gotta keep awake in this heat, see? Gotta be active not passive else you’ll be sleeping on the job. I am cock-sure about one thing though and that’s the education those students will get if they keep on going. No, I won’t be the provider. Nor will the TV… Unless of course it’s a different kind of TV…

Insightful. But students, what this really comes down to is the ‘A’ grade fun one can have as part of the after-dark crowd. While I cannot guarantee vampirism will provide you a tonsil-tickling social circle, what I will say is that the Thais do know how to party. And I will play Peter Pan on the club scene as long as I can. The Lost Boys would expect nothing less. Given my recent unfortunate (read: ‘A’aaaaaaaaaaa(h)!) ‘A’ge change, my only concession is rule #1: 'not on school nights.’ At this (jumping off a bridge) point the final thought is with the alter-ego, Superego:

Superego: (As you know) I swing both ways. But I dress just one way. To the left. Debauchery is all good and proper, but will somebody please think of the children?? Oh good. Job done then. Be a man, agreed? Go Seed!

Comments? Questions? Class you may be excused.

Homework: Just say “No!”

Further reading: Today Teacher believed that the id of Student Chen could not possibly be heard from on a Creative Writing exam paper. How wrong. In answer to a question on using verbs to explain what you do at different times of day, under his ‘Evening’ heading he wrote ‘Having sex in bed.’ But it didn’t end there… In answer to a question on using 3 adjectives to describe Beyoncé, Chen chose ‘beautiful’, ‘sexy’, and ‘fucking hot.’ I of course expect him to achieve his usual high marks.

x Teacher